Tag: depression

Window Seat

I can hear the birds here as I watch Helios and Gaea kiss for the first time.

It’s before coffee.

It’s before the caffeine clouds my thoughts stimulating me while pushing them in every direction opposite of creativity.

Passions are diverted as I’m reminded that I have to go back.

I can’t dwell here, not tomorrow.

I am not afforded another day.

I don’t hear the sounds of Life there. Not over the clicking of the keys and the sighs of defeat.

The constant interruptions, hisses of deadlines and overdue reports; things that only further push me away from reality.

I am relying on lies now as I coerce myself into returning day after day.

I don’t like it here.

The people demand too much and understand too little.

Depression

It comes out of the blue bringing with it Darkness and dread; I hoped it would stop, give me some reprieve

I’ve given enough. I’ve given everything

When it comes, it arrives like a quiet Alabama storm, I can only huddle like a small child. I am afraid of this darkness, terrified of what it can bring, the thoughts it has brought with it before.

But It never comes alone.

Depression always brings friends, its posse; Hopelessness, Unworthiness, and Dread. They stand patiently as the table is being set. Quietly, they take their seat ready for tea time as they sip on my emotions and dine on my sanity leaving only scraps.

Desperately, I fumble around stitching pieces together trying to find enough that I can use to function as I go about my day pretending that I am whole.

That I’m okay.